sitting here in the dark poring through old blog entries. and its 3.30am. I have an examination of judgment debtor in the State Courts at 930am. wtf am I doing with my life.
I see strands of my old self coming through. the old self who was a little too foolish for his own good. too easily strung along. too easily led on a dance. and its ironic because in these few years, I've broken a few hearts I think (and I'm sorry) but I think it's mine that's about to be broken this time.
mark my words. my predictions have always been true. when it comes to stuff like this. not gonna stop me from getting strung along though. hook line and sinker. all the signs are clearly there. the exact same signs. 4 years ago, I was too foolish to see the signs, but I see them now. and still I'm just blindly walking to my execution.
I need to immerse myself in work.
work does save me a little.
but not enough.
and the sad thing is, I've been clearly slipping in my work in the past few weeks. its noticeable because (I'd like to think that) I've been delivering high standards of work previously. such that a dip in standards is so noticeable.